Post by Doug Ellin on Jul 6, 2024 16:58:08 GMT -5
Jerry: (word missing)....they call themselves exterminators but they can't really do it. The best they can do
is get the bugs to somebody else's house. They just relocate them , y'know what I mean, they're bug
realtors is what they are. Ahmmmm.. I'll think you'll be happy here , there's a lotta crumbs not much light,
ahmmm they usually sleep through the night, so you'll really have a (?) of the place. Nobody really cares
about killing insects, even the animal rights people don't care. You could probably walk into an animal
rights organization meeting and hear a speech like; The only way to stop the cruelty of the scientific testing
on animals is ( slaps his face)...Ha! Got him , is to boycott these companies.
George: Jerry it's funny , Paula and I actually met because of Elaine.
Paula: Elaine is in my drawing class at the new school
George: ..And I went down there one time to see...
Jerry: (cuts in) A nude model.
George: If Elaine wanted to get some coffee.
Jerry: You know I went out once with a nude model. Never let me see her naked. Hundreds of people see
her naked every week, except me. Needless to say it was quite vexing.
George: Are you through?
Jerry: Yeah!
George: So Anyway, I started to compliment Elaine on her sketches and it turns out,they're Paula's.
Paula: George, I just like to doodle
Jerry picks up a pecan that his girlfriend had just masticated.
George: Oh! Dropped a napkin...(Whispers) Jerry!
Jerry: What?
George: What are you doing?...She had those nuts in her mouth , she just spit them out.
Jerry: (spits the nut) OooH!!! You. you ate these? You sucked on these and put them on the plate?
Shelly: Well I didn't know you were gonna eat them?
Jerry: Soo...
Shelly: I'm sorry you find me so repulsive?
Jerry: No ,no I don't, I mean, Don't be silly..
Shelly: Yeah!
Jerry: It's just...
Shelly: Well, hem ,if you'll excuse me I think I'll just go to the ladies room.
Paula: I'll join you.
Jerry: Oh! man did you see that. I ate discarded food.
George: Well I've done that.
Jerry: Yeah, but with you it's intentional.
George: Haven't you kissed her?
Jerry: Yeah, but this is different , this is like ,you know, semi digested food stuff. You know the next stop
is the stomach and you can take it from there.
George stops a passing busboy
George: Excuse me just for a second. ( fixes his hair looking at his reflection in a coffee pot.)
Jerry; AH. Yes that's gonna make a big difference.
George: This is dating , you can't leave anything to chance.
Jerry: Hey ,You think that Shelly's upset that I made such a big deal about the pecan.
George: Hehummm , Yeah!
Jerry: Thanks.
George: No problem.
The girls return from the ladies room.
Shelly: Well Jerry , I guess we should get going .
Jerry: Ah! boy.
George: Well , it was very nice meeting you Shelly and Jerry be careful ,there's a lot of nuts out there.
( to Paula) All right you have everything?
Paula: Can you grab my purse.
George: Yeah.( reaches for the purse and finds a piece of paper . he looks annoyed.
Monks , next day .George showing Jerry the piece of paper he picked up
Jerry: Yeah! So
George; Don't you see what this is?
Jerry: Yeah! It's a doodle.
George: Yeah!, a doodle of me...look at the size of the nose , the ears, all my features are distorted.
Jerry: Oh!.It's an affectionate caricature.
George: I'm grotesque . I look like a troll.
Jerry: It's just a drawing.
George: Don't you see what this says? How can you possibly like somebody ,if you think they look like this?
Elaine walks in
George: (gets up to leave the table) HELLO!!! (angrily)
Elaine: What is with him?
Jerry: the usual
Elaine: So, you know what? My friend Judy recommended me for a job at Viking Press.
Jerry: Good for you
Elaine: Yeah! But get this. Viking has a deal with the Plaza Hotel, they got a two bedroom suite, there ,
for out-of-town clients...So guess what I did?
Jerry: Oh! Come on, you told them you're from out-of-town just so you could stay in a hotel room.
Elaine: I know, I know Jerry.. but it's The Plazaaa... I've never stayed there .It'll be like a little vacation
Jerry: Well be sure to catch a Broadway show while you're in town.
Elaine: ( laughs)Listen, I've used your parents address in Florida.
Jerry: Oh! There coming to town tomorrow by the way.
Elaine: Hey. What's this.?.
Jerry: Don't ask.
Elaine: What is it ..A drawing of Mr. Magoo
Jerry: No ,it's George ( Elaine laughs heartily)
George comes back
Elaine: It is..
George: You enjoying yourself? (More laughs from Elaine)
Elaine: Sorry.
George: You see. You see! Listen when is your next drawing class?
Elaine: Tomorrow .
George: All right, I want you to do me a favor.
Elaine: What?
George: I want you to find out is she likes me.
Elaine: Find out if likes you?. What, are you in High School?...George come on can't you just talk to her yourself?
George: But she's gonna know that I like her more than she likes me.
Jerry: You know my parents are coming in and I got some clean up to do , so if you and Potsie are done scheming....
Jerry's apartment
Kramer: Well, they're in...
Jerry: What's in?
Kramer: The MACANAW PEACHES ,Jerry , the MACANAW PEACHES!!!!
Jerry: Aah! .. right. The ones from Oregon that are only ripe for two weeks a year..
Kramer: Yeah Yeah I split a case with Newman..I waited all year for this.. Oooh this is fantastic..
Makes your taste buds come alive....It's like having a circus in your mouth.....Take a taste
Jerry: Nah, I don't wanna
Kramer: Come on ,Just take a taste
Jerry: I don't want it..
Kramer: Come on JUST TASTE!!!
Jerry: I DON'T WANT IT ....
Kramer: HE..YA. AYA. AYYYYYAAAAA!!!!
Jerry: I am not gonna taste your peach. I ate some one's pecan last night, I'm not gonna eat your peach.
Kramer: Jerry , this is a miracle of nature that exists for a brief period. It's like the Aurora Borealis.
Jerry scratches his ankle furiously
Jerry: ..What is this?
Kramer: What?
Jerry: Yeah! I think I got flea bites.
Kramer: Flea bites?
Jerry: Look at this, my ankle's all bitten up.
Kramer: You got a dog?
Jerry: No.
Kramer: Well, that is strange.
Jerry: How could I have fleas?
Kramer: Don't sweat it buddy...I used to have fleas.
Jerry: What did you do about them?
Kramer: What do you mean?...
Jerry's parents come through the door.
Morty: Hey guys . Jerry . Kramer
Helen: Hi Jerry......What's wrong?
Jerry: Nothing...
Helen: Jerry, I'm your mother, now what is it?
Jerry: Mom, Dad.....I have fleas..
Elaine's drawing class
Elaine: Hey Paula!.. I hear you been going out with George Costanza?
Paula: How did you know??
Elaine: Everybody knows. y'know George told me he thinks you're totally cute and everything.
Paula: He said that?
Elaine: Ha hum...Do you like George?
Paula: Yeaaah! he's cool.
Elaine: No I mean...Do you like him or do you like him like him?
Paula: Like like.. looks aren't important to me ,you know?
Teacher: Miss Benes , Are you chewing gum?
Elaine: (nods) HumHummmm....
Elaine spits the gum in the waste basket then as the teacher turns around she makes a throwing up
motion at Paula .
Later at jerry's
Karl: Yep!...In your bedroom too Mr. Seinfeld. You've got a full outbreak of fleas on your hands.
jerry: I don't get this. How did this happen. I don't have a dog.
Karl: I don't explain 'em Mr. Seinfeld. I just exterminate them.
Jerry: I don't understand this..
Karl: I 'm gonna have to seal the place up for 48 hours and fog it. That's the only way to get rid of them.
Jerry: Nobody can be in here for 48 hours, I got my parents in town.
Karl: Well , unless you want to kill them. They can't stay in here. This stuff is pretty toxic. I'll go get my
stuff, it's in the truck.
Jerry: Okay..
Elaine comes in
Elaine: Hi....
Jerry; Bug guy.
Elaine: Why do you have a bug guy?
Jerry: I have fleas.
Elaine: Argh.. Fleas ( strikes the purse she just deposited on the couch) How did you get fleas?
Jerry: I don't know...But every one's got to clear out of the apartment for two days. I don't know what I'm
gonna do with my parents. they'll never let me pay for a hotel and if they go to someplace on their
own I'm sure it's gonna be some awful dump. Wait a second.. Have you checked in The Plaza yet?
Elaine: No....Oh No....
Jerry: Come on,c'mon
Elaine: No, No...
Jerry: c'mon ,c'mon....
Elaine: No, No...
Jerry: c'mon, c'mon....
Elaine: No, No....Yesss!!!!!!
Jerry: Yes!!!
Door buzzer
Jerry: Yes!!!
George: yeah!
Elaine: Well what about you. Where you gonna stay?
Jerry: I dunno , I'm gonna ask Shelley ,but she still might be upset from the masticated pecan incident.
Elaine: Hey!! I found out from Paula; She likes George. I'll bet he'll be relieved.
Jerry: Yeah.. When he's dead he'll be relieved... Oh by the way Viking Press sent a Fedex for you to
my parents. They brought it with 'em.
Elaine: Yeah that's just some stuff about the company.
George: Hum..( to Elaine) Hey! did you talk to Paula?
Elaine: Yeah.
George: So what did she say?
Elaine: She...likes you..
George: She said she liked me. No kiddin' she said that?
Elaine: Ya!
George: Those were her exact words, I like George.
Elaine: Yep!
George: Ha Haaaaaaa... Jerry how do you like that.You see I get myself in a dizzy, I'm all worked up and for what?
Elaine: For nothing..
George: ha Ha..
Elaine: In fact she said that looks aren't even that important to her...
George: You see.....WHAT!!
Elaine: Ah Oh!!
George: She said looks aren't important to her?
Elaine: Well..hum...let me rephrase that, She said....
George: She thinks I'm ugly. I knew it.
Jerry; You see the thing of it is, there's a lot of ugly people out there walking around, but they don't know they're
ugly, because nobody actually tells them.
George: .....So what's your point?
Jerry: I dunno...
Elaine: Okay.. The point , George, is she likes you.
George: Oh!, so what. I'd rather she hate me and thought I was good looking....At least I can get somebody else.
(scratching his chest) What is this? Why am I itching?
jerry: That'd be the fleas.
is get the bugs to somebody else's house. They just relocate them , y'know what I mean, they're bug
realtors is what they are. Ahmmmm.. I'll think you'll be happy here , there's a lotta crumbs not much light,
ahmmm they usually sleep through the night, so you'll really have a (?) of the place. Nobody really cares
about killing insects, even the animal rights people don't care. You could probably walk into an animal
rights organization meeting and hear a speech like; The only way to stop the cruelty of the scientific testing
on animals is ( slaps his face)...Ha! Got him , is to boycott these companies.
George: Jerry it's funny , Paula and I actually met because of Elaine.
Paula: Elaine is in my drawing class at the new school
George: ..And I went down there one time to see...
Jerry: (cuts in) A nude model.
George: If Elaine wanted to get some coffee.
Jerry: You know I went out once with a nude model. Never let me see her naked. Hundreds of people see
her naked every week, except me. Needless to say it was quite vexing.
George: Are you through?
Jerry: Yeah!
George: So Anyway, I started to compliment Elaine on her sketches and it turns out,they're Paula's.
Paula: George, I just like to doodle
Jerry picks up a pecan that his girlfriend had just masticated.
George: Oh! Dropped a napkin...(Whispers) Jerry!
Jerry: What?
George: What are you doing?...She had those nuts in her mouth , she just spit them out.
Jerry: (spits the nut) OooH!!! You. you ate these? You sucked on these and put them on the plate?
Shelly: Well I didn't know you were gonna eat them?
Jerry: Soo...
Shelly: I'm sorry you find me so repulsive?
Jerry: No ,no I don't, I mean, Don't be silly..
Shelly: Yeah!
Jerry: It's just...
Shelly: Well, hem ,if you'll excuse me I think I'll just go to the ladies room.
Paula: I'll join you.
Jerry: Oh! man did you see that. I ate discarded food.
George: Well I've done that.
Jerry: Yeah, but with you it's intentional.
George: Haven't you kissed her?
Jerry: Yeah, but this is different , this is like ,you know, semi digested food stuff. You know the next stop
is the stomach and you can take it from there.
George stops a passing busboy
George: Excuse me just for a second. ( fixes his hair looking at his reflection in a coffee pot.)
Jerry; AH. Yes that's gonna make a big difference.
George: This is dating , you can't leave anything to chance.
Jerry: Hey ,You think that Shelly's upset that I made such a big deal about the pecan.
George: Hehummm , Yeah!
Jerry: Thanks.
George: No problem.
The girls return from the ladies room.
Shelly: Well Jerry , I guess we should get going .
Jerry: Ah! boy.
George: Well , it was very nice meeting you Shelly and Jerry be careful ,there's a lot of nuts out there.
( to Paula) All right you have everything?
Paula: Can you grab my purse.
George: Yeah.( reaches for the purse and finds a piece of paper . he looks annoyed.
Monks , next day .George showing Jerry the piece of paper he picked up
Jerry: Yeah! So
George; Don't you see what this is?
Jerry: Yeah! It's a doodle.
George: Yeah!, a doodle of me...look at the size of the nose , the ears, all my features are distorted.
Jerry: Oh!.It's an affectionate caricature.
George: I'm grotesque . I look like a troll.
Jerry: It's just a drawing.
George: Don't you see what this says? How can you possibly like somebody ,if you think they look like this?
Elaine walks in
George: (gets up to leave the table) HELLO!!! (angrily)
Elaine: What is with him?
Jerry: the usual
Elaine: So, you know what? My friend Judy recommended me for a job at Viking Press.
Jerry: Good for you
Elaine: Yeah! But get this. Viking has a deal with the Plaza Hotel, they got a two bedroom suite, there ,
for out-of-town clients...So guess what I did?
Jerry: Oh! Come on, you told them you're from out-of-town just so you could stay in a hotel room.
Elaine: I know, I know Jerry.. but it's The Plazaaa... I've never stayed there .It'll be like a little vacation
Jerry: Well be sure to catch a Broadway show while you're in town.
Elaine: ( laughs)Listen, I've used your parents address in Florida.
Jerry: Oh! There coming to town tomorrow by the way.
Elaine: Hey. What's this.?.
Jerry: Don't ask.
Elaine: What is it ..A drawing of Mr. Magoo
Jerry: No ,it's George ( Elaine laughs heartily)
George comes back
Elaine: It is..
George: You enjoying yourself? (More laughs from Elaine)
Elaine: Sorry.
George: You see. You see! Listen when is your next drawing class?
Elaine: Tomorrow .
George: All right, I want you to do me a favor.
Elaine: What?
George: I want you to find out is she likes me.
Elaine: Find out if likes you?. What, are you in High School?...George come on can't you just talk to her yourself?
George: But she's gonna know that I like her more than she likes me.
Jerry: You know my parents are coming in and I got some clean up to do , so if you and Potsie are done scheming....
Jerry's apartment
Kramer: Well, they're in...
Jerry: What's in?
Kramer: The MACANAW PEACHES ,Jerry , the MACANAW PEACHES!!!!
Jerry: Aah! .. right. The ones from Oregon that are only ripe for two weeks a year..
Kramer: Yeah Yeah I split a case with Newman..I waited all year for this.. Oooh this is fantastic..
Makes your taste buds come alive....It's like having a circus in your mouth.....Take a taste
Jerry: Nah, I don't wanna
Kramer: Come on ,Just take a taste
Jerry: I don't want it..
Kramer: Come on JUST TASTE!!!
Jerry: I DON'T WANT IT ....
Kramer: HE..YA. AYA. AYYYYYAAAAA!!!!
Jerry: I am not gonna taste your peach. I ate some one's pecan last night, I'm not gonna eat your peach.
Kramer: Jerry , this is a miracle of nature that exists for a brief period. It's like the Aurora Borealis.
Jerry scratches his ankle furiously
Jerry: ..What is this?
Kramer: What?
Jerry: Yeah! I think I got flea bites.
Kramer: Flea bites?
Jerry: Look at this, my ankle's all bitten up.
Kramer: You got a dog?
Jerry: No.
Kramer: Well, that is strange.
Jerry: How could I have fleas?
Kramer: Don't sweat it buddy...I used to have fleas.
Jerry: What did you do about them?
Kramer: What do you mean?...
Jerry's parents come through the door.
Morty: Hey guys . Jerry . Kramer
Helen: Hi Jerry......What's wrong?
Jerry: Nothing...
Helen: Jerry, I'm your mother, now what is it?
Jerry: Mom, Dad.....I have fleas..
Elaine's drawing class
Elaine: Hey Paula!.. I hear you been going out with George Costanza?
Paula: How did you know??
Elaine: Everybody knows. y'know George told me he thinks you're totally cute and everything.
Paula: He said that?
Elaine: Ha hum...Do you like George?
Paula: Yeaaah! he's cool.
Elaine: No I mean...Do you like him or do you like him like him?
Paula: Like like.. looks aren't important to me ,you know?
Teacher: Miss Benes , Are you chewing gum?
Elaine: (nods) HumHummmm....
Elaine spits the gum in the waste basket then as the teacher turns around she makes a throwing up
motion at Paula .
Later at jerry's
Karl: Yep!...In your bedroom too Mr. Seinfeld. You've got a full outbreak of fleas on your hands.
jerry: I don't get this. How did this happen. I don't have a dog.
Karl: I don't explain 'em Mr. Seinfeld. I just exterminate them.
Jerry: I don't understand this..
Karl: I 'm gonna have to seal the place up for 48 hours and fog it. That's the only way to get rid of them.
Jerry: Nobody can be in here for 48 hours, I got my parents in town.
Karl: Well , unless you want to kill them. They can't stay in here. This stuff is pretty toxic. I'll go get my
stuff, it's in the truck.
Jerry: Okay..
Elaine comes in
Elaine: Hi....
Jerry; Bug guy.
Elaine: Why do you have a bug guy?
Jerry: I have fleas.
Elaine: Argh.. Fleas ( strikes the purse she just deposited on the couch) How did you get fleas?
Jerry: I don't know...But every one's got to clear out of the apartment for two days. I don't know what I'm
gonna do with my parents. they'll never let me pay for a hotel and if they go to someplace on their
own I'm sure it's gonna be some awful dump. Wait a second.. Have you checked in The Plaza yet?
Elaine: No....Oh No....
Jerry: Come on,c'mon
Elaine: No, No...
Jerry: c'mon ,c'mon....
Elaine: No, No...
Jerry: c'mon, c'mon....
Elaine: No, No....Yesss!!!!!!
Jerry: Yes!!!
Door buzzer
Jerry: Yes!!!
George: yeah!
Elaine: Well what about you. Where you gonna stay?
Jerry: I dunno , I'm gonna ask Shelley ,but she still might be upset from the masticated pecan incident.
Elaine: Hey!! I found out from Paula; She likes George. I'll bet he'll be relieved.
Jerry: Yeah.. When he's dead he'll be relieved... Oh by the way Viking Press sent a Fedex for you to
my parents. They brought it with 'em.
Elaine: Yeah that's just some stuff about the company.
George: Hum..( to Elaine) Hey! did you talk to Paula?
Elaine: Yeah.
George: So what did she say?
Elaine: She...likes you..
George: She said she liked me. No kiddin' she said that?
Elaine: Ya!
George: Those were her exact words, I like George.
Elaine: Yep!
George: Ha Haaaaaaa... Jerry how do you like that.You see I get myself in a dizzy, I'm all worked up and for what?
Elaine: For nothing..
George: ha Ha..
Elaine: In fact she said that looks aren't even that important to her...
George: You see.....WHAT!!
Elaine: Ah Oh!!
George: She said looks aren't important to her?
Elaine: Well..hum...let me rephrase that, She said....
George: She thinks I'm ugly. I knew it.
Jerry; You see the thing of it is, there's a lot of ugly people out there walking around, but they don't know they're
ugly, because nobody actually tells them.
George: .....So what's your point?
Jerry: I dunno...
Elaine: Okay.. The point , George, is she likes you.
George: Oh!, so what. I'd rather she hate me and thought I was good looking....At least I can get somebody else.
(scratching his chest) What is this? Why am I itching?
jerry: That'd be the fleas.